@#$%^&&$%$&*&() Doctors!!! Part 1

WARNING: There may be some inappropriate descriptions, words, too much information, etc.! And this will probably be long as I'm on a rant!

I AM MAD! I AM ANGRY! I AM OUTRAGED! I AM FURIOUS! ARGH!

Okay, being the good boy that I am I followed the rules; I didn't eat yesterday, didn't have even a sip of water after midnight--I took my 2 tablespoons of milk of magnesia--got into bed at 11 PM (Hey, if you can't eat and/or drink why watch TV? And since I don't do either in bed I figured I would read.) I fell asleep at 3 AM knowing I had to be up at 6 AM. After getting up at that ungodly hour I took my enema, showered, woke the birds (If I have to get up that early they have to gt up-- not knowing what time I would get back I wanted to make sure they Had food. Plus I put them to sleep at 9 PM--messed them up--now they must think it is mating season with all that light--they will have to go to sleep early again tonight!)

Originally the hospital van was suppose to pick me up at 7:30 but the hospital schedule was changed--he didn't get here until 8:57. Couldn't be mad at him because he was a nice pleasant guy and obviously had to get up early, too. I had the van to myself (very luxurious) and battled morning traffic.

I was amazed when I got to the hospital--I hadn't been there in 6 years--it was all redone with a 2 story atrium which included a Starbucks (but I couldn't have coffee!) and right next to it a McDonald's (but I couldn't eat anything!) I know McDonald's have been in hospitals for awhile but I guess Tait's a way for the hospitals to make more money by getting more patients to pay for the new remodeling--plus charging patients outrageous fees.

I must state up front that everyone from the admissions clerk to the nurses, physician assistants, etc., were really nice, smiling, solicitous and caring--at that time of the morning?!?! They all deserve a raise!

Over the next half hour they were in and out of the room. One came in with a big bag and told me to take EVERYTHING off, put it in the bag and put on the paper shoes, a hair cap and one of those infamous hospital robes. (I still don't understand why the don't give a belt that goes all the way around, but what do I know?) She also asked if I had dentures and I explained to her NO ONE, except my dentist and his technician, ever saw me without them. She explained that I could wait until the last minute before they gave me the anesthesia, then I would be out and wouldn't know who saw me.

Next a nurse came in with form after form for me to sign. (Weren't computers suppose to save trees?) She, also, asked for the name and number of the person who would be coming to take me home. I asked her what if I didn't have a friend or relative to take me home--she replied, with a big smile, "Then you would have to spend the rest of your life in the hospital." How can you be mad at a person telling jokes in the morning?

After her another nurse came in and took blood from my right arm and another put an IV on the back of my left hand. She took my blood pressure--it was 126/80--I know that's okay but it is usually 108/70--I told her that's what happens when I get up early in the AM. She then asked me how I enjoyed my breakfast? If she wasn't smiling a wide grin I would have slapped her!

Then someone else came in with more forms followed by the (I'll probably butcher this word) anesthesiologist.(WOW! Spellcheck set that right!

AND NOW THE 'FUN' BEGINS--NOT!