The journey to open heart surgery Part 11

I think there has been a misunderstanding regarding my concerns and worries about the upcoming operation which I would like to get into a little bit now.

I know this operation is serious and that there can be various outcomes but I am concentrating on the odds that it will go without any hitches. The results can be either of the following:

1) I go in, have the operation and then go through the rehabilitation period and get back to good form physically--of course there will be that pain but that, too, will pass, and I hope, quickly!!!  :O) I do have a low threshold for pain. There is a 95% chance that is what will happen.

Taking into concern is the other 5%!!

2) I could die on the table and there is no one I can talk to who had that happen. (That's a joke, folks!!) I am all prepared if that is the case. All the legal papers are in order, my heirs know what to do (ummm--I wonder who will fight over the ACL poster! LOL)

3) I could have a stroke while being operated on and that is my biggest fear. No way do I want to continue living if I have to be dependant to do every day things on other people. I have put into motion what should be done in that case.

4) There is also a big possibility that I can get an infection in the ICU ward after I am placed there which could lead to complications. I really have no control over that and, hopefully, the only result would be a longer rehabilitation time. It is frighting when you read all the statistics about, "...the operation was a success but the patient died." and that generally happens in the ICU!!

If number 2 happens I will be going with the knowledge that I have had a very interesting life, have overcome several adversaries that others haven't, that I have experienced loving someone and being loved in return, both unconditionally, have traveled, made friends, been befriended, helped others and ceratinly have enjoyed to the utmost my last 10 years as a retired senior citizen.

I have not accomplished/done everything I wanted to do in life but I am aware that I wouldn't even if I had 20 more years.

My attitude is that I will come through this with, maybe, a little  (LOL) discomfort but I will come through only to then have to face whether I want to go through the operations on my legs or just live with the pain that walking gives me--and, of course, I have the excitement (and motivation) to go and see a few performances of the touring company of "A Chorus Line"--that, for me, is a powerful motivation!!!

So, yes, I have concerns and worries but they are not going to rule my thoughts or change my happy, positive thoughts and the thrill of being alive!!!